I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
