Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
