he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
