Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
