Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
