How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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