The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
