my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Never joke about your clitoris.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
