the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
