you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
