Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
