So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It was confusing and full of hummus
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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