watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
