Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I forget how to act sober
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
