I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
