Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
