I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
