1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Terrible idea I love it
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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