thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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