Please, let me fuck your mom
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
