i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
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His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
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Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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