Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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