Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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