you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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