If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
