So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
