toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
