____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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