I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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