and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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