come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
In other news, I just burned my penis
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
