I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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