someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
