Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
