Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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