He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize