My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
