so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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