guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
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Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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