Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
