Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
