Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
