Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
40s are totally the cure
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
