she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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