he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
