Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
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Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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