do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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