Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize