You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
