All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
