Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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