Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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