You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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