Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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