We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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