Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
