"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
