remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
