Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's shark week go big or go home
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
