another moral hangover. fuck.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i now understand why vodka
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
