Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
