I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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