we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
