dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
