Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Randomize
