I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
