Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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