dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
