there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
