My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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