what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
