I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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